What do you enjoy doing before going to sleep? Reading a good book or chatting with your partner? Do you need your own bed and a specific pillow to fall asleep comfortably? Your little baby or toddler is no different — they gradually develop fixed habits and conditions that help them relax and fall asleep peacefully.
That's why it's important to take a close look at the sleep habits your little one has already developed. Do they fall asleep while breastfeeding? Do you rock them on a yoga ball? Are they always nursed or bottle-fed before sleep? Do you carry them until they're asleep?
Also think about whether things happen the same way during naps, at bedtime, and at night. Or do you use different "tricks" at different times? What tends to calm your little one most effectively?
Understanding Sleep Associations
Chances are, you already know exactly what your baby or toddler needs to fall asleep. And more likely than not, they are quite fixated on doing it just that way.
These sleep habits are often referred to as "sleep associations." They're fixed patterns your baby or toddler links to falling asleep — mentally and physically. These associations tell your child: "Everything's okay. I can let go and drift off." Their body responds by releasing sleep and relaxation hormones, allowing them to fall asleep peacefully.
The challenge? Your baby or toddler needs these associations to fall asleep — and letting go of them is anything but easy.
Please don't think your child sleeps poorly because you've created "bad" sleep habits. Sleep associations are just one of many possible reasons for sleep challenges. In my own family, only one of my seven children didn't have a particularly difficult sleep pattern — and that's even though I was already applying tips about rhythm, routine, and sleep associations from my third child onward.
Here's a simple example: teething! Some babies sleep through teething without a fuss. Others cry out in pain night after night. How could the mom of the first baby possibly give advice to the second? Babies and moms are wonderfully different — and that's perfectly okay.
When Sleep Habits Become a Hurdle
Many of the cozy bedtime habits are absolutely beautiful — too beautiful to simply avoid from the beginning, as some parenting books suggest. I loved nursing or carrying my babies to sleep. But eventually, if your child's sleep begins to suffer, it may be time to gently change things. And that's okay, too. Being happy, well-rested parents is important for your child's well-being.
The beautiful but tricky part of sleep associations is that your baby needs you to fall back asleep during the night. That's why they can't transition between sleep cycles on their own. Instead, they wake up and look for their usual sleep cue — only to find they're no longer at the breast or in dad's arms. And that's when these once-soothing habits start having the opposite effect.
You might spend an hour or two helping your baby fall asleep — only for them to wake up after 30 to 45 minutes (that's about how long sleep cycles are at this age).
Becoming More Independent, One Step at a Time
The main goal in sleep learning is to help your little one fall asleep without your help. To make that gentle transition, your child first needs to get used to sleep associations that don't rely on mom or dad. Once that happens, your baby will have a much easier time sleeping through the night, even as they move from one sleep phase to the next.
Introducing Helpful New Sleep Habits
Here are some tools that can help your baby learn to fall asleep with a bit more independence:
1. White Noise
White noise can be very calming because it mimics sounds heard in the womb. Many sleep coaches recommend playing white noise throughout the night. Alternatively, soft music works too — ideally the same track every night.
2. Swaddle Blanket or Sleep Sack
These help prevent your baby from waking themselves up with their own reflexes. There are also excellent options available for older babies.
3. Dark Bedroom
Make sure your baby's room is dark — even during the day. Studies show this significantly supports better sleep for babies.
4. Pacifier
Opinions are divided here — some babies refuse it, others can't sleep without it, and in some cases it becomes the biggest sleep hurdle. Many babies can be gently taught to use it as a sleep aid. As always, every baby reacts differently — you'll need to decide for yourselves.
5. Sleep Sack
If your baby can roll over, they should use a regular sleep sack or a transitional sleep sack. These are much safer than regular blankets and also act as a clear signal that it's bedtime.
6. Cuddly Toy or Comfort Blanket
Introduce a cuddly toy or soft comfort blanket. Help your child gradually bond with this new sleep companion by including it in daytime play and the bedtime routine. Many older babies and toddlers love holding a special object when falling asleep. (For younger babies, make sure it's small and has no parts that could break off.)
7. Sleep Cues
Use key phrases or words that signal it's time for sleep — say it every night just before your child falls asleep. Neuroscience confirms how effective such routines are. After a few weeks, they'll know exactly what you mean. Example: "Good night, my little sweetheart. I love you. Sleep well."
Stay Realistic — and Don't Give Up
Some children respond beautifully to these suggestions, while others show little or no interest. That usually happens when they've only ever known — and loved — one specific method. The classic example: falling asleep while nursing or being carried.
Still, it's worth introducing the sleep associations listed above — because what really matters is that your baby's brain learns to associate things like soft music or a beloved stuffed animal with relaxation and sleep.
In most cases, I recommend helping your baby or toddler get used to a sleep sack, a comfort toy or blanket, and some sleep-time music.
Tomorrow: The Final and Most Important Step
Tomorrow, things get more specific. We'll talk about how to actually master sleeping through the night — and I'll walk you through the four most common gentle sleep learning methods.
With love — Sarah